Oh My God, I am the “Days of our Lives” of blogland 5/2/2007

Let’s say, hypothetically, that you used to read this website and then stuff happened and you didn’t get to read much. Then you came back and Lo! I was STILL posting about my sex-life (and lack-there-of) and how my child still isn’t sleeping. I’m like a really bad soap opera minus the hot men and women that can’t act but have so much Botox their eyes pop when they smile.

Dayam.

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Flinger Flight 666 4/7/2007

Parenting

Welcome aboard Flinger Flight 666. Next destination: Hell.
We’re proud to serve you goldfish and fruitsnacks for your inflight meal. Your movie will be “Elmo’s Potty Time” on a loop. You’re aboard a special flight filled with a scientific experiment where your children have been sleep deprived and starved and are needing your attention.
In case of an emergency, there are no exists.
Thank you for choosing Flinger Airlines.

We were going along just splendidly, or rather as splendidly as one with a new baby could possibly be going along, when BLAMO! The ‘flux hit the house. LB had the flux. We weren’t aware that’s what was going on until well in to my “I hate being a mom OHMYHELL what did we do?!” phase. Once she got on Zantac, life became bearable. A few months later, she started sleeping and a few months after that I uttered the words “Number Two.” And now, here we are. History has a way of repeating itself.

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Poltergeist, exorcism, and that damn ghost kitty 4/4/2007

Parenting

I’ve talked openly about my child’s refusal to nap and its subsequent effect on me.  We’ve been battling the “Nap Issue” for some time now. Eons ago, Oma said “perhaps she’s just giving it up?” to which I threw tomatoes at her and booed very loudly.  I may have even hissed, I’m not sure. Either way, I know that even if SHE thinks she does not need a nap, *I* know she does. She claims she wants to go play because “my eyes aren’t tired, Mommy!” but I see this:

image

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Oprah and Bon-Bons (or, why I suck at being a WAHM) 4/2/2007

Parenting

Anyone else feel like you’re treading under water? Grey’s Anatomy aside here, we’re all drowning in snot and a megga slow server. I swear I’ve tried to update only to get a “page loading” message for, oh, more than the .2 nanoseconds that I have patience to wait so I close my browser and decide my site hates me. No, it’s not you, it’s me. It’s the snot. It’s the fever. It’s the holy-hell-sinus-pressure-that-I-can-only-take-farking-saline-spray-for (!?) and the other things the Internet was telling me you don’t need to hear about.

Being sick is boring as hell, y’all.

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Herding Buffalo 2/3/2007

ADHD

I have this disease Mr. Flinger calls “Herding Buffalo.” It usually occurs when life is in complete chaos and there is little time for anything.  It usually happens when an idea enters my busy brain and suddenly it can’t get out. The single idea turns in to fifty things that need to be done RIGHT! NOW! and suddenly there is the sound of herding buffalo in my head.

Right now, I have Herding Buffalo.

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